I'm a good boy and deserve a cookie (but I got kicked in the shins instead)

I have updated my website across the board lately. I think you can page down a bit and see how rare that actually is. But I'm trying to pick up the pace of my ramblings, although God only knows why. Perhaps it's because of the confluence of my goals and the way things are shaping up. I finally feel like I'm on solid ground, or at least close to it.

However, not all is cheery and happy in Timland. No, I'm pissed about Dreamweaver's quirks, and I'm constantly tired and sick. It seems I've had a sickness/sore throat/flu-thing for about a month now, which is pretty fucking annoying, I assure you. Everytime I feel good, I know that it's right around the corner. I shit you not. Just this morning I was walking through the hallways of my office and thinking that I felt pretty good. Just a few hours later my throat was tight and scratchy. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! My body has beaten this illness 10 times over, so why the fuck does it keep coming back when it knows it's only gonna get whooped again. Just to fuck with me, I suppose. But it really pisses me off since it only feeds my paranoia that I am not allowed to feel good in this world. Have you noticed that? Only an optimist would, I suppose, because a pessimist sees nothing but horror and pain. But I know that behind every shiny corner lurks a darkness just waiting to spring.

Sometimes this world is too predictable. Now, if a bunch of happy/cool things happened and there wasn't a catch and nothing horrible happened in the following weeks, I think we'd all be pretty goddamn surprised. Let's face it, we live in a world of shit, and everything bad that exists in this universe has a mailbox on Earth. At minimum. Some of the really bad shit is based here. Like Microsoft for example. Anyway, I try not to let it get me down, but when life is just relentlessly disappointing and dreary it's hard not to get depressed. It doesn't really bother me that much because I expect so little of the world. Whenever somebody I don't know treats me with respect and kindness it's a little surprising. When somebody cuts me off in traffic or acts like a child to get their way is that surprising? No way — that's par-the-fucking-course.

Maybe that's why I want a blog: to rant about all the stupid shit, most of it inconsequential. But a thousand pinpricks really adds up. I suppose some of you would rather live in denial and think that everything's fine. Well, if you're so happy with things, why not go over to Sudan and help out those people. You have nothing to fear, because life is peachy, right? And they won't resent your interference because you're just honestly trying to help, right? That's how bad life on this planet is — when somebody does something selfless everybody else is immediately suspicious. I think you should help others, but be prepared to be kicked in the shins for your efforts.

Song of the moment: "Little Things" by Good Charlotte. Very appropriate for my topic here, eh?

Sorry to bring y'all down. That was not my intent when I started this post. Maybe it's this February weather. Maybe it's my throat, even more sore from screaming at Dreamweaver. Maybe it's just me. Maybe you don't give a fuck. Maybe I don't either. I've got my Fear Factory albums for when I'm feeling really down. At least I know that they understand my situation; their songs are much bleaker than this post. So cheer up. Things can get much worse, but on the bright side, they might not! :-)