Neo-cons hang Saddam in retaliation for assassination of Gerald Ford

This just in from the Electric Monkey Pants Intergalactic News Network (EMPINN):

Washington insiders say that today's execution of former Iraqi dictactor Saddam Hussein was moved forward by neo-conservatives eager to punish the traitorous hippies for the alleged assassination of former President Gerald Ford.

Our sources indicate that the neocons, led by Dick Cheney, believe that a covert hippy assassination squad was responsible for the untimely death of Cheney's old boss, Gerald Ford. The prevailing theory is that a Greenpeace-trained eco-terrorist squad was responsible for the hit, citing Ford's love of meat as the main beef.

EMPINN correspondants report that most people on "the street" believe that a poisoned carton of applesauce was smuggled into the Ford residence and deployed remotely, via "secret hippy-powers."

A call to Hippy Headquarters in San Francisco reached the "main dude" of the Hippy Network who responded to the allegations forcefully, stating, "What?! Uh... man, that's fucked up. No way, dude; these people are on acid. Fuck them, dude."

Now insiders are indicating that the hanging of Saddam Hussein was, in part, a retaliation for the hippy hit on Ford. An anonymously dressed source maintains "it was payback for the Ford hit. Since, you know, hippies are in league with Saddam the Cheneyites figured that killing Saddam would sap them of their powers."

The vice president's office refused to comment, saying, "Dick doesn't have time to respond to every little rumor that his office leaks out. Besides, he's in a meeting with the Prince of Darkness and can't be interrupted."

This has been an Electric Monkey Pants Intergalactic News Network special report.

Thorium to solve world's energy crisis?

TreeHugger.com seems to think so:

According to a news release this past week Professor Egil Lillestol has been trying to convince Norway that a nuclear reactor based on thorium would be a viable solution to the worlds growing energy demands without the environmental impact of coal, or the hazards of traditional nuclear energy. Is he onto something? Read on to see the gory details.

From the article:

• There is no danger of a melt-down like the Chernobyl reactor
• It produces minimal radioactive waste
• It can burn Plutonium waste from traditional nuclear reactors with additional energy output
• It is not suitable for the production of weapon grade materials
• The energy contained in one kilogram of Thorium equals that of four thousand tons of coal
• The global Thorium reserves could cover the world’s energy needs for thousands of years

That sounds pretty fucking sweet. And maybe a little bit too good to be true. What's the catch? Well, I suppose that it's still nuclear power, so the dangers inherent in that are still a factor, but we've gotten a bit better at managing it recently. We haven't had a Chernobyl or a 3-Mile Island in, what, two decades? That's pretty good... I guess.

But how realistic is this plan? And who stands to gain/lose from it?

The "Gender Genie" determines sex of an author based on keywords

Check out the Gender Genie.

Feed it a big chunk of text from your blog or whatever, and the Gender Genie should be able to identify you as a male or female, using keyword analysis. Pretty whack idea, but it correctly identified me as male. It looks really simple, too. Apparently, using the word "with" a lot pegs you as female and using "around" a lot means you're male. Who knew?

Let's Innoculate Kids Against Authority-Obedience Using Milgram's Study

I've been arguing over at Slashdot that Milgram's Obedience Experiment was not really unethical and that we should have everybody subjected to that experiment once when they are young so that they understand the consequences of blindly following authority figures' orders. A new study explores the same ground as Milgram in a new virtual-reality study based on similar parameters.

I suggest that the institution of a Kobayashi Maru-style test for young adults would be greatly beneficial to society as a whole. It would show kids, viscerally, that there are serious consequences to blindly following authority; a valuable lesson. Based on Milgram's results we can conclude that around 60% of the takers would fail it by shocking the person to death. That it is a test/fake does little to calm the strormy state of the soul after such a failure. And it shouldn't. The idea of taking responsibility for your actions is the root of our democracy.... or what's left of it. And I suppose that's the reason why we will never see this initiation ritual instituted; the values of our forefathers have long since been lost to the savage mockery of time and trickery.

Some people would oppose this idea with every fiber of their being because they rely on the stupidity, gullibility, and weakness of the human race to make up the bulk of their followers. That's all the more reason to implement it.

So what do ya think? Should we give everybody the ol' Milgram?

...

"Won't Get Fooled Again" by the Who just started playing on my stereo. I shit you not.

James Brown and Gerald Ford dead!

A soul-funk singer and the former president of the United States have both kicked the bucket in the last few days. I don't think anybody really cares about Ford. Everybody knows that he couldn't sing or dance for shit. The real tragedy is James Brown's untimely passing.

Here's a clip of him back in the day. Sex Machine!!

Merry Mithras' Day

We're all familiar with the story of Mithras, right? He was born of a virgin on December 25th and lay in a manger where he was attended by shepherds who brought gifts. He took a last supper with his followers, died, and then rose to heaven. He was worshiped on Sunday and was often depicted with a halo around his head. You know this guy, right?

Mithraism precedes Christianity by as much as 1,400 years. Much of the myth of Christianity appears to have been grafted onto Mithraism in order to make it more palatable to the Roman Empire at large, which had adopted Mithraism as one of many state religions. Roman Emperor Constantine was a follower of Mithras before he added Christianity to the list of religions he ascribed to. It was Constantine who moved worship day of Christianity to Sunday (previously it was Saturday, springing from Christianity's Jewish roots) and declared that Jesus' real, official, because-I-said-so birthday was December 25th. Constantine decided this in 313 AD without any evidence. It was just more convenient to stick it on Mithras' Day, which as already an important holiday in Rome because it corresponded to important days in Sol Invictus and Saturnalia. December 25th is important to pagans because it was clear that the sun was returning by then, after months of the days growing colder and shorter. By December 25th, court astrologers could assure the Emperor that yes, the sun had decided to return. The head priest of Mithras was called papa or pope.

So when you're celebrating Christmas this holiday, don't forget to sacrifice a bull for Mithras. After all, he is the true origin of many of the rituals that Christians celebrate every year. Jesus, it's worth noting, venerated Saturday as his holy day. Jesus was probably born in February or September and he was not born of a virgin. But in order to compete in the crowded marketplace of faith in 300 AD you pretty much had to be born of a virgin. Oh, and Jesus was probably not very keen on the Romans since they had conquered his people and forced them to worship strange gods (like Mithras). In fact, the whole point of becoming a messiah was so he could throw off the yoke of Roman oppression. Something to think about for all the Roman Catholics out there.

The Boy Who Lived Before - Reincarnation, baby!

He liked to draw pictures of his home too — a long single-storey, white house standing in a bay. But it sent shivers down his mum’s spine — because Cameron said it was somewhere they had never been, 160 miles away from where they lived.

This is pretty cool. And eerie.

Be sure to check out the whole BBC documentary on the story as well. It's about 45 minutes long, but it's pretty damn good. I found it a bit hard to pick up on the accents at times, though.

read more | digg story

Solstice: Winter in Minnesota

Happy Solstice! That makes today the first day of winter, and the shortest day of the year for those of us in the northern hemisphere. Basically, we get like 3 minutes of daylight. Okay, it's more like 7 hours, but it's still not very much.

Here I am in Minnesota on December 21st. I look out the window this morning and what do I see? Snow falling gently on the trees? Uh... nope. No, I looked out the window and saw raindrops falling on my porch. It's fucking raining as I type this!!

I've lived in and around Minnesota for most of my life and I've never seen anything like this. Last night I went for a walk and it was almost 40 degrees Fahrenheit outside. Un-fucking-believeable. When I was a kid we would get fuckloads of snow. It would snow all the time. We hardly ever had a brown Christmas. Usually, a white Thanksgiving was far more likely. But these last couple of years have been really weird. I mean, we had 50 degree weather for several days straight in February a few years ago. Normally, it's probably closer to 10 or 20 degrees. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

It wasn't so long ago that I was looking into ways to send myself into hibernation mode. I would love to be able to fall asleep in November and wake up some time in late March. That would be just fine with me (although I think I would have to get up to piss a couple times).

Now it turns out that bears in Spain aren't even bothering to hibernate any more. The weather just doesn't get that cold. The autumn was so warm in the Netherlands that many flowering plants could still be found in bloom in December.

This is beyond freak seasonal anomalies. This has been going on for years, and it's getting worse. Our climate is experiencing fundamental changes; it's being altered somehow, and the changes appear to be accelerating. I don't think we can afford to listen to the climate change skeptics anymore. If they're right, we will have wasted a few bucks. If they're wrong we may have doomed our civilization. Which is the prudent choice?

Don't ask me the lead the movement, though. I'm lovin' this shit. Man, it could be a hundred degrees all winter and that would be fine with me; I fucking hate the cold!! And I curse the foul 23.5 degree tilt of the earth's axis that gives us the seasons! Still, maybe we should, I dunno, cut back on the CO2 emissions until we figure out if the planet finally heating up is a good thing.

Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Yeah, I just revealed the title of the new (and last!) Harry Potter book. I hope you weren't planning on discovering the secret for yourself. I must admit that I used the hints on this page to speed up the process.

I can't wait for book 7. I may be in my late 20s but Harry Potter books rock. And J.K. Rowling is hot. There, I said it. Geeky chicks are just hot.

I don't think there's a release date yet, but I've heard summer of 2007 mentioned. It's gonna rule!

Princess Fake-eye: The Dashing Dame of Ancient Iran

The Discovery Channel News is writing about a 4,800 year old woman found buried with an artificial eye composed of tar and animal fat, with carefully etched capillaries that may have looked quite realistic:

Sayyed-Sajadi added that whoever made the eye likely used a fine golden wire, thinner than half a millimeter, to draw "even the most delicate eye capillaries."

Parallel lines were also drawn around the pupil to form a diamond shape.

Two holes at the sides helped hold it in place in the woman's eye socket. Sayyed-Sajadi said remaining eyelid tissues are still evident on the eyeball, as are markings that suggest the woman developed an abscess in her eyelid due to frequent contact with the object.

The eyeball was found with the skeletal remains of its wearer in an early cemetery. The researchers believe the woman was between 25 and 30 years old when she died.

She was so young when she died. I wonder if she was a princess, to have such wealth and power that you can have a custom-made fake eye constructed for you. It's quite fascinating to hear what skill the craftsmen had even back then, to make something so close to what we have now.

It makes me wonder about our past... our real past, I mean, not just the picture we can construct from what little is left of it. The difference between our knowledge of the distant past and the actual reality of how it played out, is the difference between Pluto and the sun.

Have you ever really thought about what really may have happened? About how many of our stories about great events and noble leaders are nothing more than fairy tales, pleasant fantasies to grease the gears of power.

I suppose we may never know the truth. But I fear it will become all too clear soon. The sands of time are running low and the pages of history are being written as I write this, but for good or ill I cannot know; I just have a feeling that we're about to witness something big. Or maybe we won't witness it because it will happen behind the scenes, but we will still feel it affects as clearly and as potently as any previous event. Change is the one thing we can count on.

Well, one thing's for sure: time will make us all into skeletons like Princess Fake-eye.

US-Mexican Border Fence Building Firm Busted for Hiring Illegal Workers

The Golden State Fence Company, which built part of the border fence that is used to keep illegal immigrants out of the US, has been fined almost $5 million for hiring illegal workers. Two executives may face jail time.

Could this be any more ironic?

read more | digg story

I feel better

after that last post.

Aaaaaahhhh.....

Satisfying, like a monster dump in the morning. Yup. Good times.

I can't fucking wait until the world ends: We all deserve to die

You've heard about global warming, massive ecological damage to the planet, blah blah blah... HURRY UP!!! Where's the fucking death and destruction I've been waiting for? Not here, and that's the problem.

I don't think I need to go over the basics of global warming, environmental destruction, nuclear weapons, overpopulation, terrorism, Peak Oil, the neocons being in charge or the end of the Mayan calender in late 2012. You know about that shit, right? We're living in an apocalyptic age. So here's my question: Where the fuck is the apocalypse already?!!! I'm getting tired of waiting.

We all know it's coming. It's like the crappy twist ending to an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Everybody knows it's a fucking alien or whatever. But this is like the Shyamalan movie that keeps going on and on and on and on and on and the fucking cheesy twist gimmick hasn't showed up yet. Hell, you guessed what the twist will be about 3 hours ago, but the movie is stilllll going!! What the FUCK?!! Will the world just end already? Jeeze!

I want to see our wretched over-consuming, ultra-militarized American society collapse under its own weight. I want to see the fat and the weak die in the streets! Where's the fucking blood, man?! I'm sick of our horrifically obese (physically, financially, politically) nation beating the living shit out of brown people in various parts of the world. When's our turn?! You know it's coming. The laws of karma demand it.

We deserve to burn for Iraq. We should all go to hell for letting this bullshit war continue. We deserve to die, like we've condemned the Iraqis to die. And the worst part is we continue to LIE to them and tell them we've liberated them! Jesus fucking Christ people, at least have the courtesy to tell them the truth while we're raping their country of it's precious natural resources! You're gonna tell me all the goddamn flag-waving hicks who support this war ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK about Iraqis?!!!! I will laugh in your ignorant face, you fucking gullible tool.

Our government is composed of the most evil, wicked and soulless men alive. Our government, along with the military-industrial complex, killed 3,000 people on September 11th, 2001 in order to trick us into going to war. And what has our reaction to this fascist take-over been?

"Ooohh, let's see if Lost is on! The revolution can wait until after Survivor is over! Oh wait, I just want to read a retarded fashion magazine! I can't wait until the new Wii is released! I'm a delusional fucking idiot who doesn't know anything about politics! Let's just let the country careen into a fucking ditch the size of the Grand Canyon! Who gives a fuck as long as I've got my botox, designer jeans, video games, reality TV, SUV, 401k, and a lot of other useless crap that makes me feel good for about 2 seconds so I can forget that my government is a satanic collective of Nazis bent on taking over the world's resources while simultaneously lowering the world's population through war, starvation and man-made diseases!"

Fuck all of you selfish fucks! And fuck me too for not having the balls to light myself on fire and run into the capitol building with a bomb strapped to my chest. Fuck all of us. We deserve to die. We are killing the planet with every piece of food we eat (fuck all of you self-righteous vegans for thinking you're not guilty of the same thing! Plant flesh is just as sacred as animal flesh!). We kill it every time we drive a car, every time we turn on a fucking light, and every time we knock down a tree so we can build a goddamn strip mall with a 27 muthafucking acre parking lot!!!

Humanity is a fucking virus, and we're killing the host. It's time to die people.

DIE DIE DIE!!!!

When the next American civil war comes (and it will come -- soon), it will be my honor to kill each and every last one of you fucking traitors who supports the war in Iraq and the Bush regime that perpetrated 9/11.

I suppose a lot of you are still in denial about 9/11. Understandable. Not everyone is a structural engineer. But there's no more excuses. We have the power of the internet and people are still ignorant. I don't think you need any help from me. Open Google and start researching. It's only the future of our entire fucking country at stake, so please don't complain about me calling you a useless traitor piece of shit if you decide to watch The Biggest Loser instead.

To some extent we are all absolved by the fact that this world was totally fucked up long before any of us were born. However, the time of excuses is running out rapidly. With the power of the internet at your fingertips you have NO EXCUSE for being an ignoramus anymore.

Do you think America is "teh koolest-est cuntree evar!!"? Then you are a fucking idiot. America has fallen. America is now the world leader in corruption, evil, terrorism, hatred and intolerance. The CIA is the premier terrorist organization in the world. They fucking own al-Qaeda -- literally. The CIA started al-Qaeda during the 80's to fight against the Soviets in Afghanistan. They are still being funded and controlled by the CIA. So fuck all of you shitheads who tell me I'm not patriotic enough. I love America -- the REAL America, not the "Amerika" it has become (rather like evil Superman). We haven't used the Constitution for anything except for toilet paper in almost 100 years. America is fallen. Amerika is now the Empire from Star Wars, and Dick Cheney is its Emperor.

Amerika is a place where you can get arrested for smoking a joint or wearing a T-shirt that says "Peace" on it, but if you're the president you can send thousands of troops to die and kill in a foreign land based on lies and distorted intelligence and nobody can do shit about it. And half the people think it's just fucking great. Amerika committed genocide while it was being born (ask the Native Americans about that one) but then it turns around and claims Saddam is evil for killing his own people... with WMDs that we gave him! (well, "sold to him" -- Amerika is all about $$$$$). What the fuck are we supposed to make of this hypocrisy?!

And don't get me started on all the fucking greedy businessmen who are so obsessed with money that they don't give a second thought to destroying the environment if it helps the bottom line. The only thought that goes through their fat, ugly heads is: "How can I make sure I don't get caught?" Amerika drains the lifeblood from the earth, like a vampire. We are all a party to this wicked devil-dance. If you dance to their tune, you're just as guilty as they are. Are you willing to bet your soul that George Bush is right? Do really fucking believe he gives a damn about the welfare of everyday Iraqis? Do you really believe businessmen when they say, "trust me, I care deeply about the environment and our workers' safety and happiness." Sucker. They don't give a fuck. It's all about PR. Just lie to the cameras and everything will be okay.

Politicians on both sides of the aisle lie. That's all there is to it. Neither side can be trusted. And if there is someone in power who dares to speak the truth he will be ruthlessly co-opted or assassinated, post-haste. We've lost 2 Kennedys, MLK, John Lennon and Paul Wellstone to the machinations of the elite. The elite, by the way, are a sick bunch indeed. They are engaged in drug smuggling, terrorism, arms dealing, child abduction and molestation, torture, murder, satan-worship and God knows what else.

I'm not really saying I wish we all die tomorrow. I mostly just wish the global elite would. But since the reverse is more likely to happen, maybe I shouldn't pin all my hopes on our coming destruction. But it doesn't really matter what I think, does it? Oil will peak. The economy will crash. The environment will shed its parasites. Our government will collapse (every government eventually does). The only question is when? And what are we going to do about it?

Well, I for one, will be glad. Not because I like not being able to eat, drink, work, drive a car or turn on a light. That part will suck. No, I will enjoy it because there will be so much less ignorance and hubris in the world. I'm so fucking sick of the arrogance and suicidal stupidity of most Amerikans, and pretty much all of western civilization for that matter.

There's an not-so-old saying the Middle East (ya know, the place we're presently occupying, destroying, raping and terrorizing) that goes like this:

My father rode a camel. I drive a car. My son flies in a jet plane.

His son will ride a camel.

Ya know, maybe the internet doesn't make you smart. Those people didn't need it to come up with that revelation, and here we are in Amerika with a quarter billion morons surfing the web. Maybe we will be smarter once we have nothing. Maybe the world will be a better place once we're no longer in it.

Christian groups ask Walmart to ban Left Behind video game for intolerant convert-or-die premise

Ah, I love little squabbles like this. They are such "teachable moments." Not sure what they teach, exactly, except that Christian video games are pretty goofy.

Liberal and progressive Christian groups say a new computer game in which players must either convert or kill non-Christians is the wrong gift to give this holiday season and that Wal-Mart, a major video game retailer, should yank it off its shelves.

The Campaign to Defend the Constitution and the Christian Alliance for Progress, two online political groups, plan to demand today that Wal-Mart dump Left Behind: Eternal Forces, a PC game inspired by a series of Christian novels that are hugely popular, especially with teens.

The game has been getting abysmal reviews from gamers, but not because of the "convert or die" storyline (gamers are used to slaughtering electrons). It's because the game has committed the worst sin: it is shitty quality and not fun to play.

Nobody has enough faith to endure a game with such a hokey story, terrible mission design, serious problems with the interface and graphics, and loads of crippling bugs.

Slashdot has additional discussion on the merits of the game and whether it should be pulled from shelves. Personally, do I think it should be pulled or banned? Hell no. Just because a game sucks doesn't mean we should yank it. Yes, it's intolerant, but as the GameSpot review makes clear, the game drops into self-parody at several points. I say let people make up their own minds.

The stupidest part about this game, IMO, is how rock musicians are portrayed. Maybe that's because I'm a rock musician, but I think it's so fucking lame that rock musicians are a sort of default bad guy. If this is how the Christian fundamentalists perceive us is it any wonder that we think they're a bunch of intolerant dumbfucks?

Perhaps even more stupid (because it's not as goofy and laughable) is how Muslims are portrayed in the game as followers of the Antichrist or neutral folks to be converted (or killed if they resist).

Players can choose to join the Antichrist's team, but of course they can never win on Carpathia's side. The enemy team includes fictional rock stars and folks with Muslim-sounding names, while the righteous include gospel singers, missionaries, healers and medics. Every character comes with a life story.

When asked about the Arab and Muslim-sounding names, Frichner said the game does not endorse prejudice. But "Muslims are not believers in Jesus Christ" -- and thus can't be on Christ's side in the game.

"That is so obvious," he said.

Oh really, Mr. Frichner? I guess he's been too busy drinking the kool-aid (or "blood of Christ" in this case) to notice that Muslims recognize Jesus as a great prophet, teacher and holy man. They may not agree with the batshit notion that Jesus = God, but most rational people believe the same. (Jesus called himself "the Son of Man" not "I am God!!! Worship me, bitches!!")

I wonder if Mr. Frichner would be interested to know how highly venerated Jesus is in the Qur'an/Koran?

Jesus is described as one who is min al-muqarrabin (among the nearest to God) and as min al-salihin (of the upright) and as wajih (eminent) [Surah 3:40-46]. Baidhawi amplifies this, saying that Jesus is illustrious in this world as a Prophet and in the next as an intercessor (Hughes, Dictionary of Islam, p.229.) Following the Qur'anic presentation of Jesus, he is known among Muslims as Kalimatullah (the word of God), and Ruh Allah (the spirit of God) [Surah 3:45; Surah 4:171]. No other prophets have been described in such terms. No other prophet nor Muhammad has ever been called the spirit of God.

Instead of fostering dialogue between religions Frichner is spouting ignorance and contributing to the baseless Christian hatred and persecution of Muslims, a people whose religion is actually founded on the tenets of Christianity. In essence, this game is a monument to the stupidity and intolerance of the religious right. Leave it on the shelves.

Democratic Senator Tim Johnson (SD) in critical condition; control of Senate hangs in balance

Senator Tim Johnson of South Dakota is at George Washington University Hospital in critical condition. He was initially thought to be suffering from a stroke, but now it's not clear what he's suffering from.

Johnson is a Democrat, which means that if he dies the control of the Senate reverts back to the Republicans. This is because the governor of South Dakota is a Republican and he can appoint whomever he wishes to serve out Johnson's term. The Senate would then be tied 50-50 with VP Cheney as the tie-breaking vote.

Now, I'm not saying that the CIA and the neo-cons are responsible for this.... all I'm saying is check him for polonium-210.

This is a good rant

I know a good rant, and this is a good rant.

To be fair, I didn't totally agree with everything (like the "respect has to be earned part") but it was a good spleen-venting evisceration of stupid and selfish people who act rude because they think that people in the service industry are their servants.

This is an awesome (if incoherent) rant, too. And this one is a hilarious "x-mas letter" to the folks. Ah, there's nothing better than being forced into prostitution by the continual, humiliating economic grind of life in the city. Unless, of course, that city happens to be Ipswich.

Blogger Dean Hunt threatened for having too high of a search ranking

This isn't a problem at this low-ranked blog, but apparently it is for Dean Hunt, owner of DeanHunt.com and the blog that resides there. He has recently received vaguely threatening letters demanding that he give up his domain because:

You have to understand Dean that an online business should be higher in Google than a blog.

Don’t forget that Google is a business as well, they obviously make more money from other businesses than they do from blogs, so it is in their interest that I am higher than you for certain searches.

I have also contacted my lawyer about this issue, so you should expect a letter in the post very soon.

Let me be the 472nd to say, "AAAAAhahahahahahaaaaaaa!!! Haahahahaa! What a fucking moron!

Yes, Google is a business, but no, they don't think businesses should be ranked higher than blogs. In fact, I bet they love it when that happens because then the business is compelled to start buying Google AdWords to bump up their ranking (well, really, they're a "sponsored result" at that point).

This guy (who hasn't been "outed" yet by Deano) is clearly a bully, and a particularly stupid one at that. Dean intends to stand strong and I support him all the way. People shouldn't have to fear success on the internet, nor should bloggers be preyed upon by ruthlessly inept businessmen who seem to view the world only in terms of money and power. Fucking moron. I've got your back, Dean, and I know a lot of other bloggers do too.

You know, the internet really does have the power to change things for the better. We're more connected now than ever before, and that gives power to "the little guy" who would've been steamrolled as little as 10 years ago. This inevitably must have a profound affect on our society, including the political realm. People are going to start demanding more transparency in government and business, and people are less likely to be cowed by bullying demands from the elite and those who dream of becoming the elite (like this fucktard).

Consequently, there are no more excuses. Is there something you don't know that you wish you did? Have you encountered a challenge that is beyond your present abilities? Well, it's time to step up to the plate. You've got an incredible resource like at your fingertips if you're reading this, so don't let limitations that would've previously been crippling get in your way! You now have the power to change your lot in life. Educate yourself. Better yourself. Rally your allies. Stand up to your enemies. Embrace the change that now must come. In previous centuries most of us would be nothing but peasants, living under the rule of some despotic king or lord. With no access to learning, no power to organize resistance or communicate with distant allies there was no way to fight against the yoke of oppression. But now, most of us are "free" and we have been given a great gift -- a gift that our ancestors would have died for. The internet is the greatest gift to democracy in 200 years. Use it!

Update: Some folks on slashdot are saying that this is a hoax by Dean Hunt. That's certainly a possibility. Let's wait to see for sure that he's telling the truth, but I think my rosy description of the potential of the internet is still valid. Just gotta remember to check our sources, verify info and don't forget our assumptions. As for Dean, let's hope he wouldn't resort to something like this, but his blog is about SEO, which is about as respectable a profession as prostitution. Perhaps less so.

First Rumsfeld says goodbye, then Pinochet does too

Donald Rumsfeld flew to Iraq today, with only a few days left in office. He "bid the troops farewell" and tried to shore up the neocon war effort in Iraq, warning of the consequences of failure. Indeed, this war is Rumsfeld's legacy, and he wants to see it won. Too bad he fucked it up so badly, every step of the way. His only true legacy will be American humiliation.

And we should be ashamed, for propping up men like General Pinochet, ex-Dictator of Chile and friend of evil, who said goodbye in his own way, by kicking the bucket. It's worth noting he took power on September 11th, 1973. How fitting. The linked article above glides past CIA responsibility for Pinochet's coup, but everyone knows Washington wanted Allende out of the picture. They admit as much. I wonder what Rumsfeld was up to in the summer of 1973...

Ah Rummy & Pinochet! What a couple! ...

See ya, boys. ...

You won't be missed.

As if you needed another reason to hate the RIAA

They make it so easy to hate them. The RIAA is trying to screw artists even harder, even as it steps ups its anti-consumer lawsuit campaign. The Recording Industry Association of America has always claimed that they are defending artists when they sue consumers (nevermind that few recording artists seem to be all that keen on suing their fans), but now it's clear that the only thing driving their insane lawsuit campaign is what most of us long suspected: Greed.

Watch the RIAA make their case for lower royalties by complaining about a changing business landscape (that they have failed to adapt to, unlike the publishers):

During the period when piracy was devastating the record industry, the RIAA argues, profits for publishers rose as revenue generated from ringtones and other innovative services grew. Record industry executives said there was nothing strange about seeking a rate change that would pay less to the people who write the music. "Mechanical royalties currently are out of whack with historical and international rates," RIAA executive vp and general counsel Steven Marks said. "We hope the judges will restore the proper balance by reducing the rate and moving to a more flexible percentage rate structure so that record companies can continue to create the sound recordings that drive revenues for music publishers."

Oh, so since you RIAA guys fucked up and sued your customers and failed to bring out a quality digital music store until Apple did it for you, that means you deserve a better deal from music publishers/songwriters? How the fuck does that add up? This is a capitalist system, fuckheads. Survive or perish.

I should also mention that the RIAA represents the evil record companies who insist on paying lower royalties to musicians for downloaded music -- including taking a cut for "breakage" in shipping. Newsflash, dudes: If your MP3s are "breaking" you've got some serious fucking problems with your distribution model.

The RIAA is pleading with the government for help, but I doubt they'll be able to push people around as easily since the publishing companies have their own teams of lawyers (most of whom aren't tied up suing fans -- although they do sue lyric sites and tab sites). Let's hope the publishers string the RIAA up by the balls and demand higher royalty rates.

The RIAA is almost as bad for rock 'n' roll as MTV. I hope they all burn in hell.

On the plus side, there are some innovative new ideas out there for musicians and music fans to bypass the RIAA. Check out SellaBand.com for a cool new business model.

Teen McDonald's Worker Strip-Searched at Behest of Fake Cop (w/ video)

A young McDonald's employee humiliated, forced to strip and then to perform a sexual act in the back office, during her work day.

This is one fucked up story. I'm not going to try and regurgitate it since I won't do it justice. Just check it out and try not to think of Milgram's experiment concerning obediance to authority.

Update 10.2.07: The poor (obedient) girl has managed to swing a 6 million dollar payday out of this episode. I guess she won't have to work at McDonald's anymore.

Fat Sixth Grader Tasered at School

You know those parties named "Everybody Gets Laid!" or something similar? Well, the police should throw a party called "Everybody Gets Tasered!" It would apparently be really popular.

School officials confirm that an 11-year-old, 6th grade male was tasered by a school resource officer. They say the boy was physically assaulting a female 6th grader and refused to listen to verbal commands to stop. As a last resort the officer tasered the boy twice – once to get the students separated and a second time when the boy tried to attack the girl again.

The male student was taken to juvenile detention – the female was treated by emergency personnel and released to her parents.

The male 6th grader sounds like a real dick. But do we really need to taser kids? You're telling me this "school resource officer" couldn't physically restrain a 11 year old? What the hell is a "school resource officer" anyway? Apparently one of the resources is tasers!

I don't like the increasing use of tasers by law enforcement personel. It strikes me as a cattleprod for humans. I can't really think of anything more dehumanizing... though maybe that's the point.

I really think we need a national discussion about tasers and how and when they are used. Things are really getting out of hand in this country and something needs to be done about it.

Update: Sounds like the 11 year old in question was 200 pounds!!! Holy fuck, fatty! Lay off the cheezy-poofs. Still, I don't think we should be cool with tasering fat kids. Sounds like a bit of a double-standard. Also interesting is the fact that the police internal investigation took all of 20 hours.

Also, the fat kid started this shit by taking the 6th grade girl's food and refusing to pay up. Oh man, fatty, you are really hitting every fat stereotype, aren't you? Still, I don't think he needed to be tasered, but I'm not going to lose too much sleep over this ravenous loon.

I guess this ties into our other national debate -- are Americans too fat?

Yes. End of debate.