Archive for February, 2004

Revelations (Stern is foul?!!!)

Did you hear that Howard Stern has been suspended by Clear Channel for being a “vulgar, offensive, and insulting” loudmouth. Well duh. Everybody knows that. I think it’s obvious that Clear Channel is reacting to the FCC & the public wave of outrage following the Janet Jackson breast thing, which I commented about earlier. Come on folks. Clear Channel had tuned into Howard’s show before this. That would be like Hugh Hefner running up to his executive team at Playboy and yelling, “My God! Why didn’t anybody tell me we’ve been selling pornography!!”

I still can’t believe people are still upset about the boob thing. Settle down people; it’s just a mammary. Who freaking cares? I guess I can’t seem to find any moral outrage…except at those pointy-headed know-it-alls who think they can decide what people can and cannot see. They use the classic “Oh, but what about the children?!” line until you relent just to stop the hysteria. If they weren’t on some sort of puritanical tirade they could plainly see that kids can handle seeing a breast. Heck, they probably spent the first months of their lives sucking peacefully on their mommy’s breast. I expect they have only good memories of breasts.

Conversely, what I would object to my kids seeing is scenes of horrific violence. Kids don’t need to see that shit! Extreme violence gives adults nightmares! But, we, as a society embrace violence even while we try to suppress sexuality. There’s this whole plutonic sex & death thing that we’ve got going here in the USA; it’s really out of balance. We can’t seem to tame our dark and violent side. I think that’s because we (or the powers that be) want to keep repressing us sexually, yet keep tempting us with lurid TV images. Cognitive dissonance. That’s exactly what Clear Channel is doing right now. They’ve given us lots of free Howard, but now they yank him away to look like they’re actually stern (ha!) moralists, when they are in fact smut peddlers. This tactic confuses people and makes us sleepy. And when we get sleepy we can’t find the urge to fight back against the daily corporate transgressions that so completely drench our lives.

What am I saying? I guess I’m saying that it’s all a bunch of bullshit. Something negative will result, such as increased censorship. Conversely, we will probably also see increased monitoring of citizens, regardless of who wins this absurd little game of chicken with our constitutional rights. Pretty soon we’ll end up like Britain, completely boxed-in with “security” cameras. Who’s security? Not mine, I gather. Somehow I don’t think they’ll let me see the tapes. Who does get to see the tapes? The lackeys of the ruling class, of course. No doubt the ruling class feels more comfortable when they can watch us discretely. You’ve got to see what those peasants are up to.

Okay, that’s it. You asked for it: 2 songs of the day. These songs perfectly capture my feelings about those who rule us. The first song is Megalomaniac by Incubus. What an awesome, haranguing chorus. I’ve never even heard anybody sing like that before. The second song is All In The Suit That You Wear by Stone Temple Pilots and it’s possibly the last song they will release. I’ve heard both of these songs today and I’ve thought about what they mean. …. God it’s good to say that. That’s not something you can say about just any song. These two songs mean something. I invite you to figure out what they mean on your own.

Here I am

Not much to say, just checkin’ in. I’ve got a funny clip I should be posting soon. I think we’ll finally have something in the Other section. Whoa.

How are things with you? I hope everything is cool. Seems to be cool here. Word.

Okay, it’s late, and I’m tired. I just wanted to say that the new Incubus albrum rocks.


Sorry for the long time between entries. I got a lot of shit off my chest last time, though. I have been sick lately, which pretty much sucks when you’re trying to make some coin. I’m sick today (sore throat) but I’m still going to work. Yeah, I gotta talk on the phone all day so this might be counterproductive, but what the hell. If I don’t work, I don’t get paid. I ain’t got no health insurance, or vacation days; none of that shit. I’m a temp man. I’m the lowest muthafuckin’ totem on the pole. Well, except maybe the illegal immigrants, but shit, my social security number ain’t done shit for me lately.

Well, I don’t just want to bitch the whole time. But I will crow about how the site looks. Everything should be thoroughly fixed now. If there are any other browser display issues, please email me. But I’ve tested it on a few different machines and it looks fine. It’s about time. I still recommend using a Mozilla browser instead of IE. Firebird is now called Firefox, for those of you who are confused. Check it out!

I’m sure you are all just dying to know what I think about the Janet Jackson’s boob-brouhaha. Well, maybe you aren’t but I’m going to give you my opinion anyway. Firstly, I didn’t see it live. I was watching the game at the bar, but I didn’t really pay attention to the commercials or the halftime show, except to notice that Puffy (or P-Diddy or whatever the fuck his stupid name is) brought new levels of suckiness to a suck-filled event. God, that was a bunch of crap. I think the FCC should hold an inquiry into who let P-Diddily on stage. Nobody should have to sit through that. It was probably 90 seconds but it felt like being in purgatory for eons. I had to stare at my beer and pretend I was watching George F. Will adjusting his bowtie while talking about fiscal responsibility – that would’ve been more entertaining! Boo-yah! Man, political humor mixed with pop culture references?! No wonder dozens of people mistakenly visit this weblog every month!

Anyway, as implied above, I thought P-Diddily-dumb was much more atrocious than Janet Jackson’s boobie. I have long wondered just where exactly America gets its priorities. Apparently it’s fine for prime time TV to have grisly murders and autopsies and all the crap you see on the news and on the crime-dramas, but nudity is completely unacceptable. I found it disturbing that everyone disavowed the whole stunt as if it was the worst thing ever. It’s not just the FCC; movies are the same way. The Star Wars movies, long regarded as children’s movies, are full of decapitations, dismemberments, death, and even torture. And they are all rated PG. Of course, if Princess Leia had whipped out a tit and yelled, “Hey Han, get a load of this!” the movie would’ve been rated R. Why is this? Well, it probably has something to do the fact that the MPAA is composed of a bunch of self-hating religious nutballs. No doubt the effects of the Production Code are still being felt on the industry. Religious folk have serious issues with nudity, but with their long history of slaughtering each other they could hardly object to violent imagery, I guess.

In keeping with our ridiculous tradition of hardcore puritanism, the nation objected to a person showing her God-given body parts on TV. Apparently, God gave us these parts so we could feel ashamed of them. This is because God hates us, his chosen people. God also gave us free will so that he could also give us a big list of things not to do. Um, yeah. I try to respect people and their beliefs, but really, most religious beliefs are just stupid. Can’t we just say at, “Do unto others…” and leave it at that? Do we really need elaborate dress codes (like the Mormons and their special underwear) and all these goofy rules that don’t do anything but make religious people look really dumb to the rest of us? And don’t get me wrong, I think God is totally rad (and really in need of money if the televangelists are to be believed), and each person should connect with Him/Her in their own way, but religious people tend to be a conformist lot. Even if they join some crazy-ass cult and walk around with a freshly-disembowled cat corpse on their head at all times (in keeping with the Word of the Prophet Mucho-Stupido, may he rest in peace), they sure as hell don’t do this alone! There’s always a support network of fellow morons, with whom they can share their struggles and their faith that God wants them to act like an idiot. Oh, and they’re ever-so-sure that God smiles upon them, and that everyone else is misguided! This is the kicker – these people think they have somehow managed to figure out God’s Divine Will when they can’t even figure out that they’re being swindled by a charismatic conman. The cult-leaders, of course, don’t believe in this shit one bit. They just believe God is helping them con innocent morons out of their money and their self-respect.

Oh man, I could go on and on about the follies of religion for hours. But why bother? Nobody listens to anyone else anyway. We’ve all got our own ideas about spirituality, and some people are just fucking retarded about it and there’s nothing I can do. Hmmm… well I guess I could rally the troops and slaughter the unbelievers, but I think that’s been done… far too often.

Or maybe I could start my own religion, more as a joke than anything since I despise organized religion. Mine will be disorganized. Actually, I have thought about this a bit, and I’ve decided to call it Timitarianism. The first rule of Timitarianism is that you do not talk about Timitarianism. The second rule of Timitarianism is that you sure as hell do not mention Timianity. What is Timianity, you ask? Well, Timianity is not to be mentioned!!! So ha! Actually, Timianity is a rival sect of Timitarianism. They didn’t agree with us on the subject of Tim’s divinity so we had to slaughter them. And their pets. And their plants and various shrubberies. Plus, we defaced their furniture and pissed in their wells, but that was after we had killed them, so it was really more of a “fuck you!” thing. Anyway, Timitarianism is a religion based around Tim (that’s me) and consisting of only one member: Tim (that’s me). I’ve decided that the big problem with religion isn’t the founders, like Jesus & Buddha, who were basically good guys. It’s the followers who are a bunch of numb-nut dumb-fucks. As such, Timitarianism will die with me.

What is the point of a religion that doesn’t have any followers you ask? Well, you’re a moron, and you haven’t been paying attention. First of all, it does have a follower: me. But since I’m also the Founder, I do a lot more foundering (er, I mean, “leading”) than following. Second, it’s not really a religion, it’s more of a declaration of faith in myself and a method for seeking the Truth. God, of course, is not a Timitarian because he knows the Truth. Once we know the Truth we will no longer need religion (and some of us don’t need it anyway – but I contend that everybody needs spirituality). So really, Timitarianism is more of a belief system, a way to interpret and understand the world, than a religion. Everybody needs some basic beliefs to base their life upon. I’m talking about really basic shit, like believing that the world is real and that the sky is up and that gravity keeps you down (and The Man!). We all build upon the basics, and everything is colored by our impressions and our unique perspective. The advantage (and disadvantage) of Timitarianism is that I am ultimately responsible. I can’t blame my beliefs on anyone else (i.e. “…but Prophet Mojo-Jimbo told me that Jesus would come back in the form of a large porcupine named Brenda, whom I must immediately eat in order to be Saved!”). I don’t know everything, but I know this probably confusing to many of my non-existant readers. Like the previous statement. But don’t blame me; religion pretty much invented the tactic of cognitive dissonance. I’m just following their lead! 🙂

All joking aside, I think everybody should have their own belief system. Oh wait, you already do. In fact, one of the biggest fallacies of religion is the idea that the followers might actually agree with each other on the majority of theological topics. Tell that to the pro-choice Catholics out there. So if they don’t even agree on the basic tenants of their religion, you have to wonder why they are a part of it. Maybe because the world is lonely and religion offers oneness with your fellow followers. But there has got to be a better way. What kind of community attacks its own members for not following arbitrary and stupid rules? Don’t even get me started on gay marriage. These religious nuts are the most hate-filled people on earth. You’re going to tell me about God when you haven’t even learned his most important lessons? As soon as Christians & other religious folk start practicing forgiveness and tolerance I might retract some of these statements. I think it’s more likely that they will grow wings out their asses and set up a nudist resort on the moon. Until then, don’t follow anyone. Be kind, and make your own path. You can’t be a Timitarian, but if you start your own internal faith you can be cool like me. Of course, you’d also be a conformist. Oh well.

Site stuff

Hello, all. I’m just doing some website maintanence. This will hopefully result in a better, (i.e. “less crappy”) viewing experience for you. I’m still working on the IE for Windows browser problems; hopefully this will take care of it. And if it doesn’t then, I don’t know what the hell to do.

In the past week or so there’s been a lot going on. I was involved in a medium-sized car accident the day after my last entry. I was on my way to work (in my sister’s car) when some lady in front of me started fishtailing on a narrow entrance ramp. She hit the cement and there was so much ice that all my braking made nary a difference, so I plowed into her. Minor damage to her car, but my sister’s car is totalled (at least it will be when the insurance company gives the okay). She’s buying a new $8,000 car. That old car kinda sucked anyway, but I didn’t want to be the one to ruin it. Dammit, my car needed smashing, not hers! Instead, I had to pay $225 a few days later to keep mine running. Granted, that doesn’t seem like a lot, but when you consider that it’s probably 50% of the car’s blue book value it starts to seem pretty crappy. At this rate the car’s main source of value will be the gas in its tank. The heater doesn’t work, but at least the CD player does. I’ve got priorities, man. Oh, and I just paid over $300 for 6 months of insurance, which, if you’re not from MN, is required by law, much to my chagrin. I really hate insurance to begin with, but forcing people to buy something really pisses me off. “Oh,” they say, “you don’t have to drive.” Oh sure, I’ll just partake in our wonderful public transportation system then. If you need me, I’ll be waiting in a basement for the next 10 to 20 years for the first subway train to show up.