![](http://weblog.timoregan.com/uploaded_images/Nile_ITDS-716288.jpg)
Have you ever had a Death Metal Morning™? It’s when you need a fix of super-loud, super-fast death metal in the morning when most sane people are listening to light music to slowly wake the hell up.
As I was pulling out of my driveway this morning I couldn’t find anything decent on the radio so I switched to a CD Andy gave me – Nile. I figured it might be a death metal morning. Boy was I right.
Not three seconds after putting on the CD I turned onto a road not more than 100 feet from my house and was nearly driven right off the road by a vehicle coming at me at extreme speed.
This is a neighborhood, mind you. Kids are all over the place around here, and this street was a residential road (one lane in each direction) with a speed limit of 30 mph, which most people actually follow. Not dumbshit though. She/he was going at least 50 miles an hour. Although the car was coming right at me I managed to make it up to 30 before they caught up to me. You’d think we’d be cool, right?
![](http://weblog.timoregan.com/uploaded_images/falling-down-719636.jpg)
No. Dumbfuck swerves and passes me, crossing the double yellow line (no passing) and into oncoming traffic (there was none. This is a quiet neighborhood…or it was) and gives me the finger as if this is all somehow my fault.
No way, muthafucker. Not in my neighborhood. So I follow the little bitch and lay on the horn. We come up to a stoplight and we have to wait at least 30 seconds, thus negating any time dumbshit might’ve saved by speeding 50+ mph in a residential zone.
Muthafucker should be thanking Jesus I didn’t have a fucking baseball bat in my car or there would’ve been trouble. She/he would’ve seen a well-dressed office drone jump out of his car with a bat and death metal blaring. I would’ve proceeded to beat the fuck out of his/her nice-ass SUV (of course it was an SUV) while screaming, “Not in my neighborhood, MUTHERFUCKER!!!” repeatedly. It would’ve been quite a sight.
Luckily, I don’t have a baseball bat in my car, but life is a mosh pit and I’m thinking about getting one. We live in a death metal world and if you’re not ready to fight back you’re gonna get your face stepped on.
Nile, by the way, is perfect for working through a spasm of rage in the morning. It truly was a Death Metal Morning™.