Okay, that was cold. I shouldn’t make fun of balding people, it’s just that David Lee Roth’s receding hairline reminds me of how old I am. I can remember that Hot For Teacher video like yesterday. That was like 20 years ago. 23, I think. Damn dude. 2007 is like… the future! We’re in the future! And it’s pretty fucking dystopian.

Beyond the obvious terror of the deranged Bush regime we future-dwellers have further horrors to contend with. Like the prospect of a middle-aged Van Halen dancing on our memories, forever encoding the grim reality of their wrinkles upon our youth. Well, at least they have Wolfgang with them. If you haven’t heard, Eddie’s 15 year old son Wolfgang has replaced original-bassist, Michael Anthony. Mikey has been playing with Sammy Hagar’s band recently, which kind of pissed off the Van Halen brothers. I love Eddie’s playing, but I think he’s fucking washed up and needs to lay off the booze and get his shit together.

What are your predictions for the upcoming Van Halen / David Lee Roth reunion?

David Lee Roth is back in Van Halen. The tour will result in…
massive amounts of cash
unmitigated disaster
a new album
a boycott by Michael Anthony fans
Sammy Hagar crying in his tequila
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9 Responses to “Van Halen reunites for David Lee Roth hair implants fundraiser”

  1. Nardolen says:

    Being a complete Van Halen nutcase, I consider myself lucky to have seen the last two great tours of this band (For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge and Balance.) VH sans Mikey and Sammy? What is this crap?! This just seems like a baaaad idea.

  2. Anonymous says:

    So hair metal as got bald?

  3. Vemrion says:

    I also saw them on the Balance tour. It was fuckin’ awesome.

    They opened up with a 5 minute set of the Tibetan monks that are chanting on the beginning of the 1st track of Balance (Seventh Seal). Sammy said they just happened to be in town or something (did he say that to every stop on the tour?). Either way it was cool.

    I must be one of those rare Van Halen fans who actually likes Sammy. I say, bring both singers on tour. That way when one flips out you’ve got a spare.

    Not sure what to do when Eddie flips out. From what Sammy’s been saying Eddie was so drunk on their last reunion tour (the Best of Both Worlds one, I think) that nobody could tell what song he was playing. That’s just fuckin’ sad, man. I hope Eddie’s playing is better this time around.

  4. Nardolen says:

    I’m a big Red Rocker fan, myself, but I have nothing against Dave, either. Oh, and that monk thing wasn’t BS, as far as I can tell. They weren’t at Alpine Valley for our concert.

    At your concert did he claim to play a song he wrote the night before? I forget the song, but I remember Sammy saying that on stage for the Balance tour.

    Oh, and anonymous.. you should have logged-in, I like the comment! 😛 I plan on stealing your material. 😉

    Hair metal is getting pretty geriatric.. soon they’ll be playing at a retirement home near you! Then again, I’m not sure I count Van Halen as true hair metal. That was more the domain of Poison and Motley Crue (for a short time, anyway.)

  5. Vemrion says:

    i don’t remember Sammy saying anything about playing a song they wrote the night before. Not totally sure — it was 10+ freakin’ years ago (scary) — in fact, I think they only played one non-VH song, and that was “Give to Live” which is on their live double album.

    It’s too bad they couldn’t get along. I thought Balance was a seriously underrated album. Would’ve liked to hear what they would’ve come up with next.

    I also don’t consider VH to be hair metal. They’re unclassifiable in my eyes.

  6. Nardolen says:

    I know what you mean. I loved Balance (Big Fat Money is one of my favorite angry songs) and I think they could have lasted a few more albums easily.

    Ah well, what can you do.

    At least Sammy still makes some good solo work. I really liked Marching to Mars and Ten 13. Red Voodoo wasn’t quite as good, but they can’t all be winners, I guess.

  7. Nardolen says:

    Actually I should have said Sammy made some good solo work. I have no idea if he’s gonna make any more albums.

  8. Vemrion says:

    i bet he will. sammy doesn’t seem like the type to slow down. as long as their tequila to drink, he’ll be there…. along with Mike Anthony, too. the VH brothers got pissed when Mike & Sammy toured as The Other Half, I bet.

  9. Nardolen says:

    I haven’t really been in the loop, so I didn’t even know about ‘the other half’. I should really pay more attention! Sammy and Mikey.. that’s funny shit.I haven’t seen either of them actually get trashed on stage, even with the whole ‘Jack Daniels’ alter ego thing going on.

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