How to explain away UFOs. [Hint: Don't change your story 2 weeks later]

You might've heard that a huge, mile-long UFO was spotted in Texas last week.

Several dozen people — including a pilot, county constable and business owners — insist they have seen a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. Some reported seeing fighter jets chasing it.

Well, that sounds like a weather balloon. Federal officials are sure it was in fact a weather balloon.

While federal officials insist there's a logical explanation, locals swear that it was larger, quieter, faster and lower to the ground than an airplane.

I'm sure there's a logical explanation too. Clearly weather balloons have learned how to accelerate and maintain high speeds. It's the only logical explanation.

Officials at the region's two Air Force bases — Dyess in Abilene and Sheppard in Wichita Falls — also said none of their aircraft were in the area last week. The Air Force no longer investigates UFOs.

Uhh.... The Air Force hasn't actually "investigated" anything, and yet they're sure that it was an earth-based phenomenon. How can this be?

Well you see, the Air Force has a very detailed and complex methodology that they use to figure out what some yokel saw in the skies. I managed to sneak this out of an unnamed AFB undetected. This is very top secret. Click for a larger version.

Trust your government, folks. They would never lie to you.


UPDATE 1.24.08: The Air Force Reserve has completely changed their story.

I love giving free advice, so here's some for their spokesman, Maj. Karl Lewis...

A hint: If you want people to believe you're being straight with them, you can't just change your story two weeks after the event. Dumbass.

Officials at the Joint Reserve Base Naval Air Station in Fort Worth initially said none of their planes had been in the area, but on Wednesday they said 10 F-16s were there that day. The officials said they were mistaken and wanted to set the record straight "in the interest of public awareness."

They were fucking "mistaken"! Ha! They must've sent those ten F-16s up accidentally and not even noticed until they came back 2 weeks later. What a "brilliant" explanation!

I love to see the incompetence card played so poorly.

So now the Air Force looks completely retarded and deceitful. They first claimed that they didn't have any planes in the area, but now they're saying they did, but neglecting to mention what kind of plane could elicit this reaction from the natives:

Anne Frazor, who owns a fabric store in Stephenville, about 70 miles southwest of Fort Worth, said many in town have seen military aircraft zoom overhead from time to time as part of training operations. But she said that wasn't what she saw Jan. 8.

"I couldn't begin to say what it was, but to me it wasn't planes," Frazor said.

--snip--

From well-respected business owners to a county constable, several dozen people say they saw a flying object that was larger, quieter, faster and lower to the ground than an airplane. They also said its lights changed configuration, unlike those of a plane.

"I guarantee that what we saw was not a civilian aircraft," Steve Allen, a pilot and freight company owner, said Wednesday.

This guy would probably recognize an F-16 ... or ten of them. And it's not like the Air Force trains near where the sightings occurred.

The planes' training area in the Brownwood Military Operating Area includes Stephenville's Erath County, but Allen said it does not include the airspace where he saw the object. Also, Jan. 8 was not the only day sightings were reported.

And I daresay the pilot could distinguish 10 F-16s from a half mile-wide object.

So now we can say that the AF is completely full of shit.

Great. Just great. I love being lied to... Oh wait! No I don't; it fucking sucks, you dicks! Why you gotta be like that, Air Force Reserve?? huh?!! ... .. [/frontin']

I suspect the answer is that they were leaned on by more powerful forces.

It's pretty clear that there are those in power who don't want this information to get out. I really don't think people who call UFO coverup conspiracy theorists names like "kooks" are right, simply because it's so obvious the government has been lying to us. There is plenty of reason to believe the worst if somebody lies to you. Boldly. Repeatedly.

"In the interest of public awareness," the spokesman said. As if they've ever given two shits about "public awareness" before. Where's the "public awareness" right here?

The U.S. Air Force says it has not investigated UFO sightings since 1969 when it ended Project Blue Book, which examined more than 12,600 reported UFO sightings — including 700 that were never explained.

The studious way they avoid investigating isn't weird or anything. Riiiight. I totally believe you guys... [rolls eyes]

Don't you think it's odd that not investigating something is official government policy?

"It's official government policy to ignore these weird, unexplained events. Carry about your business, consu- .. uh, .. er... I mean, 'citizens.'"

Are we supposed to salute?

Fuck this. Give me the truth.

The Aqua Teen Hunger Force PR Stunt Brouhaha is a Joke

I was going to write a long, profane screed about this, but now I'm glad I didn't because it turns out that Wil Wheaton of all people has already done it for me. Check it out.

VP Cheney Threatens Iran with his Cock

The neocons push closer to war with Iran, as shown by the blunt comments made by El Presidente Cheney in Newsweek:

He repeated the Bush administration's stance that the United States seeks to resolve the dispute over Iran's nuclear program through diplomatic means, but that all options are on the table.

"I think most of the nations in that part of the world believe their security is supported, if you will, by the United States. They want us to have a major presence there," Cheney said in an interview with Newsweek magazine, according to a transcript released by the White House on Sunday.

"When we -- as the president did, for example, recently -- deploy another aircraft carrier task force to the Gulf, that sends a very strong signal to everybody in the region that the United States is here to stay, that we clearly have significant capabilities, and that we are working with friends and allies as well as the international organizations to deal with the Iranian threat," Cheney said.

Allow me to translate in case Captain Cheney's comments were too subtle: "Iran, you best watch THE FUCK out, ya heard? We're comin' for your shit, so you might as well run now, bitches. Represent, sluts!!! We gonna fucks you up!"

The above is an official translation.

Cheney proceeded to whip out his dick and let the fucker smash on a table with a menacing thud:

Responding to other comments -- including criticism from Brent Scowcroft, and others who have worked with Cheney in the past -- he says, "Well, I'm vice president and they're not."

Yeah, you're a big man, Dick. The whole article sounds like one big "fuck you" to everyone who's ever criticized him... which means: just about everybody. I'm sooo glad he isn't even bothering to hide his megalomaniacal tendencies or paranoid hatred of all who disagree with him. It's refreshing.

Now, is anyone planning to remove Bush/Cheney from power soon? I dunno, like maybe the Democrats? They sure don't seem to be moving very fast. They'd better hurry the hell up 'cause from the sound of things we're gonna be having a blood kegger in Tehran by the end of the year. I'm sure Persian blood may not taste as sweet as Arab blood, but Cheney will still do a fucking kegstand on their country unless we get him the fuck out of office.

The neoconservatives like to point to "appeasement" by the UK during Hitler's rise to power in order to justify their invasion of Iraq. I think we should use Chamberlain's appeasement to justify removing Cheney from power before it's too late. Appeasement of fascists is never a good idea. Cheney, as a fascist, should know.

Want the terrorists to win? Then be afraid and surrender your rights

I've never understood how the people who claim to be fighting the terrorists (Bush & co.) are the same ones who urge us to give up our civil liberties in order to do so.

I mean, I understand why Bush argues that: He's evil, he hates freedom and wants to turn America into a dictatorship. What I don't understand is why anybody actually falls for it. How stupid do you have to be?

I don't give a FUCK how many people the terrorists kill. I'm not giving up even one of my rights. Not a single one. Or else the terrorists win. (And if you've been reading this blog you should know who the real terrorists are... the same people arguing we should give up our liberties).

There's a new article in Wired that lays it down quite well:

The point of terrorism is to cause terror, sometimes to further a political goal and sometimes out of sheer hatred. The people terrorists kill are not the targets; they are collateral damage. And blowing up planes, trains, markets or buses is not the goal; those are just tactics.

The real targets of terrorism are the rest of us: the billions of us who are not killed but are terrorized because of the killing. The real point of terrorism is not the act itself, but our reaction to the act.

And we're doing exactly what the terrorists want.

It's very simple: The goal of terrorism is terror. If you feel afraid -- terrified -- after a terrorist attack, then the terrorists have done their job. Don't let them win! Don't give in to fear.

I know it's hard to stare death, destruction and suffering in the face and laugh, but you must do it in order to stay free. And what scares me much more than death is the idea of living in slavery/tyranny.

We can't allow the terrorists to dictate the rules of the game or they will win. We've got to be rational about this: You're much more likely to die in a car crash than a terrorist attack. By a factor of 10+. Yet, do we hesitate to jump in a car and drive? You've mastered your fear when it comes to driving -- master your fear when it comes to living! Don't live in fear of death or terrorism. We can't give in to fear or the terrorists win. It's that simple.

The next time somebody tells you we should give up rights and liberties so that we can better defend against the terrorist threat, ask yourself: Whose side is he on? Isn't he playing into the terrorists' hands? Isn't the terrorists' goal to make us afraid and to trick us into acting on that fear?

Fear is the mind-killer. It won't be easy, but we must overcome our fear if we want to survive as a society. We can't let the terrorists push us around. It might seem sick, greeting a terrorist attack with a yawn, but that's what we have to do.

You know what pisses off a terrorist more than anything? Being ignored.

Seriously. They're already resigned to death. There's not much you can do to hurt them... except ignore them. They really hate that. Then they died for nothing!

Terrorism: It only works if you let it work on you. You have the power to make terrorism useless. Don't give in to fear!

Cheney is one sick fucker. He's a goddamn fascist; a satanic, criminal psychopath

And that's about the best thing I can say about him.

I'm sure you've all heard of the alleged plans to bring down 11 or 12 airplanes flying from Britain to the U.S., using liquid explosives. Well, I'm sorry, but I just don't buy it. I'm a cynical bastard, perhaps, but I think this whole story is full of shit. It stinks to high heaven.

Cheney, meanwhile, is standing up for his buddy, Joe "Loser" Lieberman. This is what he had to say, shortly after learning of the supposed terror attack plans:

Vice President Dick Cheney said on Wednesday that one thing he found disturbing about the defeat of Sen. Joe Lieberman in the Connecticut Democratic primary on Tuesday was that "our adversaries in this conflict, the al Qaeda types, clearly are betting on the proposition that ultimately they can break the will of the American people." (Cheney made the comments after he was briefed on the suspected terror plot, according to a senior administration official.)

What the fuck is he talking about? Did he just basically call the voters who chose Ned Lamont "al Qaeda types"? Or is he saying that "Lamont is the al Qeada candidate"? Either way, that's basically slander. Not to mention stupid.

I don't know if Cheney is aware that 60% of Americans polled recently said that we should begin troop withdrawals by the end of the year, but that the type of thing he should be aware of. So are 60% of Americans traitors? According to Cheney, yes.

You know, the neocons are always very quick to accuse anyone who disagrees with them of being a traitor. But we have a saying where I come from that goes, "Whoever smelt it, dealt it." Referring to farting, of course (this isn't the fucking NY Times). And I think that, crude as it is, it's often very correct. It is the neocons who are the traitors.

We are engaged in a war for the very soul of our great nation. These are dangerous times, and if we don't choose our fate wisely we will end up being ruled by a small cadre of psychotic fascists who use terror to achieve their political and financial goals. The neocons are evil, and somehow they've taken over our country. We have to get it back.

This story is but one small example of the lengths that the neocons will go to in order to hold onto their ill-gotten power. They will slander over half the nation, imply that anyone who disagrees with them is a "far-left extremist traitor" and cynically exploit terror threats to usurp more federal power.

We would not be in this situation if the media was doing it's job. This blog probably would not exist if the media was reliable and aggressive in its pursuit of truth. But it's not. The mainstream media has failed us again and again. They are failing us again today by not questioning the government's claims more aggressively.

Don't believe everything the government says. The government is utterly controlled by the evil neocons. It's time people wake up to that fact and vote accordingly.