Electric Monkey Pants

And it’s also the first day of summer, which means that the sun will set very late tonight. But it also means that we’re starting our long, slow slide into the abomination of winter. God, how I hate winter. But there are a few months of warmth left before the northern hemisphere freezes over again and frost and snow and death cover the wretched land. Aye, we should embrace these few warm months because the weather generally sucks up here in Minnesota, and winter seems to be longer than the other 3 seasons combined.

Up here in the north we like to say, “Winter is the best 7 months of the year!” (ironically) and then we go back to drinking, shivvering and wishing for a quick death. It’s safe to say that I wish I lived somewhere warmer, but MN has it’s charms. The mosquitos can’t survive in the winter, so at least while you’re freezing your ass off and cursing the 23.45 degree tilt of the earth’s axis you don’t have to worry about wind-borne, blood-sucking, disease-carrying parasites drinking your precious life-juice.

But I don’t just let the planet push me around (is a “no spin zone” possible on a planet that spins on it’s axis every 24 hours? Discuss.) like some insignificant lifeform living at the pleasure of a spherical host. Nay! I spray CFCs into the air like there’s no tomorrow. I drive an SUV big enough to fit a smaller SUV in the back seat (sideways). I light forest fires for no apparent reason! I’ve developed a tractor beam which slowly pulls the earth closer to the sun with each passing day! That’s right; I’ve encouraged global warming; nay, I created it!! Muhahahaaaaa!! Sweet, sweet warmth; you will be mine!!!! [/insanity]

Okay, I’m kidding, but I really do enjoy global warming. The winters are dramatically milder than they were when I was a kid, and I love it. Of course, there’s much less snow so it looks ugly as hell, but at least it doesn’t get below zero as much.

Anyway, enough winter-talk. I’m going to enjoy these last few months of warmth and sun before they’re gone. Pull yourself away from the computer and get outside if you can.