Electric Monkey Pants

I’m back after much adventure. I must admit that I abandoned Minnesota, this great frigid wasteland (today’s temp: -2 degrees Fahrenheit), during the holidays and made my escape to greener pastures. I went to Cancun with my family for about 5 days. I’m still not sure Cancun actually exists. It could all be a big scam, like Total Recall or something. It certainly feels like some vivid dream now that I’m back in the states, in fucking Minnesota no less. God, what a horrible place. Okay, no, I love Minnesota, it rocks as a state, and the people here are cool and generally won’t steal your camera out of your luggage, but that’s because the winter is a killer. Nobody’s going to take the time to rifle through your luggage, or even say “hi” to you on the street because every time you expose flesh you run the risk of frostbite and/or death. People here actually spend large amounts of time sitting in a frozen hut on the ice while drinking beer and fishing. I’m related to a lot of them.

Anyway, I have a lot of shit I want to talk about. I probably won’t get to all of it. I have to leave for work soon. I’ll talk about Cancun (and my my spectacular sunburn) more later. If I think too much about it today I’ll get really depressed and try to kill myself with an icicle….which would actually be pretty easy. The hard part is avoiding the ice-death route. It’s so cold out I’m worried that the entire atmosphere might just spontaneously freeze and fall out of the sky in bathtub-sized chunks, crushing us all instantly. That’s why I keep a blowtorch on me at all times….well, that and the other reason, which (ahem) I won’t go into here.

I told myself I wouldn’t be “that guy.” You know. Him. Yeah. Okay, I’m being vague; I’m talking about the blogger who has a song for every day, every mood, every-goddamn-moment of his stupid life. Shit, it’s not that I don’t have enough songs to cover every second of my life; I’ve got more MP3s than Jesus (fun fact: Jesus only had a 5 gig iPod). But I don’t want to give the impression that my moods or life can be condensed to a few choice tracks. Far from it; yet, today and yesterday really can be summarized by one song. It’s title pretty much captures my state of mind: “Blurry” by Puddle of Mudd. So, listen to it if you want to know what I’m feeling. But, ironically, right now I’m listening to Praga Kahn. Go figure. Anyway,I’m really confused about a lot of things, and otherwise distracted from….what was I talking about? Well, I got really drunk on Saturday night with some of my favorite people, and all I did on Sunday (that would be yesterday) was sleep off my hangover, look for a job, look for a place to live, and sleep some more.

Anyway, I hope all of this explains my this site is such a goddamned mess. I didn’t know that it was completely fuct on Windows Internet Explorer. This is probably because I don’t care much about Windoze and all that crap; I’m a Mac user and as such I use a browser that actually renders pages properly. Gasp! What a concept! But since Microsoft has crushed the competition so thoroughly (and illegally) on that platform, there’s no real incentive to make their crap work. Why bother when they can make the rest of make our site work on their browser. Of course, there really is no excuse because this webpage does work on the Mac version of Internet Explorer. But apparently the Windows IE is a rancid pile crap which does not feature tabs, pop-up blocking or other necessary features. Anyway, sorry to bitch, but I’m not sure if I can get this thing to look right without a complete redesign. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. In the meantime, I urge you to try a non-crappy browser, like Mozilla Firebird. I’m sure most of you are stuck with IE, though, for a variety of reasons, so I’ll do my best to “fix” this site. I’ll be back.