Electric Monkey Pants

So they got a new pope. I think that’s a good idea, because the old one was starting to smell.

Hey-oh!

Thanks, folks. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal!

So, they got some German, dude, eh? Sounds like a bit of a hardliner. People are already wondering why they picked Cardinal Ratzinger, but the word on the street is that Michael Jackson was busy.

Sorry, y’all, but this shit is funny. Nothing like a bunch of old fogies choosing who is going to be their lead old guy. They picked a spry young dude of 78. His views are best described as “medieval.” He was previously in charge of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (wow, catchy name) — which was previously known as …. The Inquisition! yay! They didn’t give up on the Inquisition; they just changed the name last century — isn’t that great?! Yeah. Kill people who disagree! That’s the spirit! That’s what God wants, right? Isn’t that what it says in the Bible, “Thou Shalt Kill All Who Disobey!” — right?

Anyway, I want to congratulate the Catholic Church for managing to stay even more firmly rooted in the 12th century. Truly impressive.