Electric Monkey Pants

The Democrats are pulling in a distant second, but not for lack of trying. The Republicans are just so much better at it. They’re so incredibly bold about their mendacity that it gives them incredible latitude in dealing with any situation. Their actions seem to indicate a sort of controlled panic, bordering on insanity, with enough self-righteousness to detonate a building. The Democrats seem to be aware of this paranoid urgency, and to effectively tolerate it.

Kinda makes you wonder what they know that we don’t.

I was just reading about Arlen Specter’s latest scandal. And I’ve been reading about the continuing Katrina incompetence™ along with the Abramoff scandal, Plamegate, the NSA Spying!!! scandal and the whole thing where DICK CHENEY SHOT SOME DUDE IN THE FACE!!! Holy shit! I’ve joked about that shit happening, but I never thought it would actually happen…well at least, not that the media would ever find out.

Jesus, as if you didn’t have enough reasons to be scared of Dick Cheney he goes and shoots a friend in the face. I mean seriously, the guy is creepy. He’s like the Emperor from Star Wars, except instead of shooting lightning bolts out of his hands, he just shoots you in the face with a 28 gauge.

Damn, dude. We put this guy in charge of a country and he can’t even manage to not shoot his friends in the face??!?//?11one!!!!¡¡¡!! …I mean, that’s the first rule in hunting, isn’t it?

Thou Shalt Not Shoot Thine Friends in the Face While Hunting (or ever, really)

But Dick. Oh Dick. He’s a different one. They call him Dead-eye Dick. I’m not sure if that’s because he’s half blind, or because you are after he shoots you in the face. Either way, stay the fuck away from Dead-eye Dick Cheney. Don’t make him wanna hafta DROP a muthafucka.

Anyway, I digress. But this whole Shotgun-gate thing is a comedic goldmine. Seriously. Comedians all over the world just had a collective jizz of laughter when they heard the news. They’re still cleaning it off the carpet. I mean, I feel bad for the guy and all, but I figure he must be kind of dumb. If Dick Cheney asked me if I wanted to go hunting, I would run-the-fuck-the other way.

If you’re smart, you’ll do the same.