Electric Monkey Pants

This guy is fuckin’ great:

“Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day… Doesn’t Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys who likes to lay in a tub while other men pee on him? Can’t you see his fat body in a tub while Reagan, Quayle and Bush just … [pee noise] Just standing around pissing on him, and his little piggly-wiggly dick can’t get hard. ‘Ooh, I can’t get hard. Ronnie, pee in my mouth’. ‘Well, how’s that, Rush?’ He still can’t get hard, so they call in Barbara Bush. She takes her pearls off, shoves them up his ass, squats over him, undoes her girdle. Her wrinkled, flaccid labia unfurls half way to her knees, like some ball-less scrotum. ‘Uhh…. uhh…..’ She squeezes out a link into his mouth. Finally, his tiny dick gets half-way hard. ‘uhh-Oooh!’ A little bubble forms on the end of his dick, with a little maggot inside. The maggot pops the bubble, and goes off to join a pro-life group somewhere. Am I the only one that sees that? Thank god I had the insight to notice Rush Limbaugh is a scat muncher; he munches scat.” — Bill Hicks

Fucking right, man. I love this guy’s point of view. He continually bashes the fucking evil, demonic fucktards who rule this planet.

“I’m sorry if anyone here is Catholic. I’m not sorry if you are offended, I’m actually sorry – just the fact that you’re Catholic. Gotta be one of the most ludicrous fucking beliefs ever. Like these vampire priests sink their twin fangs of guilt and sin into you as a child and suck your joy of life out of you the rest of your fucking existence.”

. . .

“The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God’s infinite love. That’s the message we’re brought up with, isn’t it? Believe or die! ‘Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.'”

. . .

No matter what promises you make on the campaign trail – blah, blah, blah – when you win, you go into this smoky room with the twelve industrialist, capitalist scumfucks that got you in there, and this little screen comes down… and it’s a shot of the Kennedy assassination from an angle you’ve never seen before, which looks suspiciously off the grassy knoll…. And then the screen comes up, the lights come on, and they say to the new president, ‘Any questions?’

“Just what my agenda is.”

Ah. Good stuff.

“Take mushrooms, folks, and squeegee your 3rd fuckin’ eye. MTV’s cloudin’ it over, okay? TV is like taking black paint to your eye. Take mushrooms. What do you think, mushrooms are here by accident? You think that’s an accident?” — Bill Hicks

How come I didn’t know about this guy back in the 90’s? This is totally the thought-train that my brain was on (and still is). He really did die too young.