Electric Monkey Pants

The stragety is said to include a hammer and a bag full of tacks.

The Bush White House insists his tactic of hitting himself in the face is stopping terrorism. Others, while inclined to agree that it is somewhat distracting, are unsure how it prevents terrorism since Bush sacrifices the life of one American soldier and 100 Iraqis for each tack he painstaking nails into his head.

Bush is said to believe that the mere act of suggesting that he stop nailing tacks into his head is morally treasonous to him, and that those who suggest it are “soft on terror.”

Democrats were generally in agreement and bragged about how much of a better job they could do. It was not immediately clear whether the Democrats would be nailing tacks into their own heads or whether they would continue to nail tacks into Bush’s head. The Democrats Leadership Coucil has convened a “focus group” to study their options.

For their part, many prominent Republicans have suggested that we need to stay the course, or that we need to nail even more tacks into our heads. They have resisted calls by some Democrats to start using thick nails, but some Republicans, like John McCain of Arizona, believe we should increase the pool of people standing ready to be killed by George Bush each week.

Meanwhile, the November elections approach rapidly and the American people are left to choose the path that seems most prudent. Most voters agree that we should not “pull out” immediately and instead favor a phased reduction of the face-hitting strategy despite the government’s assurances that the need for additional tacks is dimishining and will only last a few more years, or… ya know, maybe a halfa decade or so….. or you know, possibly a decade or two — three tops.