Category : religion

Surprise, surprise.

Haggard, seen here trying to strangle God, was one of the nation’s leading religious nutjobs. He was the president of the National Association of Evangelicals (representing 30 million people) until it turned out he was having gay sex with a male hooker while snorting meth. Haggard initially claimed that he had bought the meth with no intention of using it, to which millions of meth addicts replied, “Riiiiiiight, buddy. Suuuure.”

Well, now he has been fired. And he’s even resigned from his own New Life Church in Colorado. What, do the Evangelicals have a little rule about gay sex or something?

It doesn’t matter to me that he’s as gay as a spring parade. What bothers me is that Ted Haggard has preached against homosexuality for years, saying it was a sin, and taking a firm stand against gay marriage… meanwhile he was getting his balls licked by some male prostitute named Mike Jones once a month.

Haggard’s sickening hypocrisy was actually what got the better of him. His fuck-buddy-for-hire ratted him out because he grew tired of getting Ted off one day and watching him preach about the evils of homosexuality the next.

Now Haggard has admitted, “I am a deceiver and a liar.” Well, I for one am refreshed by his honesty (about being a liar). Most religious scumbags lie continually and refuse to admit that they are deceptive sacks of shit, so it’s nice to hear Ted come to grips with his problem. (The problem: being a liar. Who gives a fuck if he’s as gay as Gore Vidal?) Of course, once you admit that you’re a liar you can never really be trusted again. So that kind of sucks for him. He went from “trusted religious leader” to “lying, drug-abusing fag” in one week. Tough week.

So, here’s a question for y’all: When are you gonna stop believing these self-righteous assholes? They continually turn out to be fuckheads and hypocrites. They always attack the same people (gays, women, minorities) in order to gain power for themselves. When are y’all gonna wake up and figure this scam out? I guess it’s as old as humanity and there’s a sucker born every minute, but I still have hope that people will figure out that their religious leaders (especially the ones at the top) are far more immoral than the people they accuse of immorality.

That doesn’t mean you can’t believe in God or have a community of believers. But you have to be aware that the most ambitious and most charismatic people are also the ones most likely to be in league with the devil, as it were. To a person driven to succeed at any cost a few lies on the way to the top are well worth the price. And maybe that’s okay in business (is it?), but that’s an extremely toxic outlook in the religious sphere. A few lies are NOT okay. In fact your whole job is to tell the truth!

I would suggest that the “sheep” in Ted’s flock learn how to read and pick up a Bible for themselves rather than letting sick men like Haggard interpret it for you. Make up your own mind about the purpose of life on Earth. Nobody knows for sure, so you can’t just abdicate your responsibilty and throw your trust in men like Ted and expect it to be okay. The only way to be sure is to cut your own path.

Oh, and for what it’s worth, I don’t think Ted “Gay Druggy” Haggard is correct about homosexuals. Although he obviously knows more about gay sex and the Bible than me, I still think my limited knowledge is sufficient to come to a better conclusion on the issue. Personally, I don’t remember Jesus saying, “Love your neighbor…unless he’s a fag.” Nope, I’m pretty sure Jesus told us to love everyone…and leave the judging to the guy upstairs.

Is somebody trying to tell them not to speak out?

Congressional pages involved in the Foley sex messages scandal are receiving threats via emails, Representative Rodney Alexander (R-LA) told CNN today.

We need to have an investigation of the threats as well as protect the safety of these pages. They could lead us much deeper down the rabbithole and they should not be punished for speaking out.

Meanwhile, it looks like the Republican leadership are all turning on each other in a desperate scramble to save their own asses. And it’s looking more and more like everybody except me knew about parts of this case months or even years ago.

Oh, and now Foley says he was molested by a clergyman and that he’s gay…and a drunk. And he’s been sold into sexual slavery in Uganda. Okay, not that last bit, but Foley is trying his best to make himself into the victim here. I don’t think that’s going to work. Keep trying, though.

I’m mostly concerned about the pages. We need to protect them and guard against any threats making them clam up. The only way we can get to the bottom of this and protect future pages is if everybody speaks out about what they know. The FBI needs to run a competent and thorough investigation and we need to make sure they don’t try to cover for those in power. Keep the pressure on!

Star Wars Last Supper

Click on it for a larger view. Yes, that’s Luke as Jesus. Mmm…. sooo blasphemous. I love it!

The artist is clearly a talented guy.

I’m glad that he used Leia in Mary Magdalen’s spot — I’m convinced that The Da Vinci Code is right and that it’s a chick! No way is that a male apostle.

[from digg]
The Reverend Dr. Bill Lawson compared Lay with civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus Christ, and said his name would eventually be cleared. “He was taken out of the world right at the right time,” he said. “History has a way of vindicating people who have been wronged.”

read more | digg story
[/digg]

This is something that I saw and thought nothing of. .At first. … But then I began to realize what a twisted world we live in if some “reverend” in a church of followers of Jesus Christ, has compared his saviour, his hallowed friend Jesus — to Ken Lay, a man who duped and betrayed thousands, if not millions of people. What the fuck is this guy on?

Somebody get the reverend a fuckin’ bible. If you can get that shit out of the bible, then you can truly get anything out of it. Did he not learn anything in seminary school? How can he compare a man like Lay to Jesus? The man was a crook! He screwed over his entire company and all the shareholders, and made millions in the process. What a fuckin’ dick. ’nuff said.

I’m sure all his Republican buddies still love Kenny Boy. Hey, they profited from his schemes too, and they knew when to get out — when he was.

But what I find most interesting about this article, is actually the first section with the interview of Lay’s stepson:

Lay’s stepson David Herrold told the nearly full First United Methodist Church that Lay was wrongly convicted, and he was angry about the portrayals of his stepfather in the media.

“He did have a strong faith in God and I know he’s in heaven, and I’m glad he’s not in a position anymore to be whipped by his enemy,” Herrold said.

“His enemy”? Who would his enemy be? The American people? The criminal justice system? His former cow-0rkers and shareholders? …. God?

Think about how messed up this guy and his rationalizations are. I don’t know how he can justify Lay’s actions and still continue to call himself a rational and intellectually honest person. Maybe he doesn’t call himself that, I dunno. But what really intrigues me (and scares me) is the idea that people like Ken Lay and his stepson and the Reverend have a logical and moral system that is utterly divorced from my own, and from most of the rest of the country’s. They exist in a moral plane of evil and amoral action.

Are there people who are… just, plain… evil?

A disturbing thought. One that needs closer examination.

But not too close.

Blood of Abraham: We are all Related

So says this article about the Brotherhood of Man:

With the help of a statistician, a computer scientist and a supercomputer, Olson has calculated just how interconnected the human family tree is. You would have to go back in time only 2,000 to 5,000 years – and probably on the low side of that range – to find somebody who could count every person alive today as a descendant.

Unless that person didn’t reproduce. But it is a fascinating facet of human reproduction that it takes 2 people to make a new human. It’s kinda funny to think about – it’s a magical process, creating a human from nothing, springing forth new life in the womb of a woman.

Turn that idea around and you realize that we have a lot of relatives if you go back far enough:

It also means that all of us have ancestors of every color and creed. Every Palestinian suicide bomber has Jews in his past. Every Sunni Muslim in Iraq is descended from at least one Shiite. And every Klansman’s family has African roots.

How can this be?

It’s simple math. Every person has two parents, four grandparents and eight great-grandparents. Keep doubling back through the generations – 16, 32, 64, 128 – and within a few hundred years you have thousands of ancestors.

It’s nothing more than exponential growth combined with the facts of life. By the 15th century you’ve got a million ancestors. By the 13th you’ve got a billion. Sometime around the 9th century – just 40 generations ago – the number tops a trillion.

Of course, that 1 trillion figure include a lot of “overlap.” We’re all interrelated, which is a beautiful and scary thing.

I don’t think the math is 100% accurate simply because human history is more complicated than that. And there were efforts by many different peoples to ensure racial (or religious) purity by rigidly controlling who their sons and daughters could marry.

In fact, some of those pure lines could still be largely untainted even today. Who knows if that’s the case, but I’m not sure we have a common human ancestor unless you go all the way back to Abraham.

It means when Muslims, Jews or Christians claim to be children of Abraham, they are all bound to be right.

“No matter the languages we speak or the color of our skin, we share ancestors who planted rice on the banks of the Yangtze, who first domesticated horses on the steppes of the Ukraine, who hunted giant sloths in the forests of North and South America, and who labored to build the Great Pyramid of Khufu,” Olson and his colleagues wrote in the journal Nature.

Ideas like this tend to give the stories of Abraham a little more credence. Who knows, maybe we are all related to one guy. What a stud.

Scientology Sucks, part 2

Remember my post about Scientology about 4 posts ago? Well, the website I linked to has been taken down by Scientology’s lawyers. All that remains is a copy of the notice they were served with. Fucking pricks.

Luckily, somebody has mirrrored the original post here. Censorship fails again. Also, here’s the Digg article about the take down.

I’d like to send a big “fuck you” to the Scientologist leadership. You’re just making things worse for yourselves. To prove that, I would like to direct you to yet another site critical of Scientology: YTMND’s The Unfunny Truth. Oh, and don’t forget Xenu.net.

All hail Xenu!… or we’ll sue you!!

Scientology is so unbelievably full of shit

Sorry Tom Cruise, but Scientology is just a stupid little cult with an amazingly bizarre creation myth. Check out the linked article for a hilarious Flash animation showing you the real creation myth of Scientology.

You will learn to fear Xenu, you puny thetan!

Isn’t it amazing how the creation myth for a religion started by a science fiction author, L. Ron Hubbard, so closely resembles the plotline of a shitty science fiction novel? What an amazing coincidence!

It’s a little known fact that Dianetics was actually found crammed up L. Ron Hubbard’s ass, all in one piece; it just took 12 years to pry that fucker out.

Until next time, remember to fear the return of Xenu. He can scare the livin’ thetans right outa ya! And if John Travolta ever asks if you want to be audited…. RUN!!

This is the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard. The gang members have named their gangs after all these heavy metal bands — like Judas Priest — and made alliances based upon which bands they thought were good and which weren’t, leading to constant gang warfare about who’s music is better, along with terrorizing the populace in response to hundreds of years of colonialism.

I can’t really describe this, so I’m just gonna quote the (level-headed) article in The Bulletin:

But the Port Keats people were too strong to fully succumb to the church. Autonomous forces survived and, over the past 20 years, gangs have come to steer the under­current of life in the town. “They never sleep,” ­Perdjert says. “They’re always causing problems. ­Everyone stays up till daylight waiting for them to go to sleep. When the daylight comes, that’s when we sleep.”

On October 23, 2002, after a policeman shot dead a Judas Priest gang member in Port Keats, the JPs – who that day had been fighting the Evil Warriors – turned savagely on anyone with links to the Warriors. ­Perdjert felt their wrath due to her marriage to Eugenio Kurungaiyi, the deputy commander of the Evil Warriors.

“They [Judas Priest members] smashed my house, all my property, everything. They trashed my washing machine, my deep freezer, DVD and video machine, TV, table, chairs, everything,” she says. “They burned my clothes, mattresses, blankets. I was there.”

It was anything but a casual going over. Twelve houses were destroyed and eight cars burned. The message was clear: the traditional owners of Port Keats were no longer welcome on their own land. “They smashed everything,” ­Perdjert says. “They smashed the toilet, the sink, the fan, even the power points – everything.”

Six weeks ago, she sneaked back into Port Keats to visit her sick grandmother. But she was quickly found out and Judas Priest gangsters went to her aunt’s home, where she was hiding. ­Perdjert was punched three times in the head. The boys said they were looking for her husband. Her aunt’s house was trashed as punishment for shielding ­Perdjert, who immediately chartered an aircraft back to Wyndham.

The Evil Warriors align themselves musically to the heavy metal bands Pantera, Iced Earth and Testament. Outcrops of graffiti across the Top End testify that Pantera’s Cowboys From Hell album is regarded as a seminal work. Iced Earth, a shock-rock band, has albums called The Dark Saga, Dark Genesis and Burnt Offerings. Testament album titles include Demonic and Signs of Chaos, all of it suggesting the gangs rejoice in concepts forbidden and reviled by the church.

The Judas Priest boys take their name from the leather-and-chain British band. Metallica, the band that screams against injustice over studiously disjointed machine-gun bursts of sound, is also rated highly by JP. Both groups reject the other’s music as crap.

Beneath the two dominant gangs are sub-gangs with names like the Lica (from Metallica) Warriors, Mad Warriors, Fear Factory, Big T (taken from the band Testament), the German Punks, the White Lions and the Cowboys From Hell – a small group of young boys from just up the road at Palumpa. They are variously aligned to the two main groups.

“These smaller gangs,” says a lawyer with experience in the area, “represent the small Port Keats family groupings or clans that aren’t terribly powerful. They form their small gangs almost as a defence against the larger family gangs but inevitably they need to align themselves to the bigger groups.” In a power switch that came after October 2002, when the Evil Warriors lost influence in Port Keats, most of the smaller gangs got onside with Judas Priest as a matter of survival.

Wyndham exile Peter Cumaiyi confirms the lawyer’s assessment. “The reason why they’re in a gang is to protect themselves from other gangs,” he says. While his sons and nephews are members of the Evil ­Warriors, Cumaiyi, 47, insists he is too old to be in the gang – even though, when it comes down to it, he has stood alongside his boys and fought Judas Priest.

This is really weird, eh? Check the article out, man. It’s seriously weird. And it gets weirder:

For a start, these are bush kids who don’t speak English well enough to explain themselves. The church sent their parents – like Cumaiyi – to Catholic boarding school in Darwin. But then came the era of self-­determination, which demanded the church move aside so that Aborigines could do things for themselves. What in fact happened was that a whole generation – these very boys – fell into a vacuum. They got to grade six and seven then disappeared into the bush.

They deal with problems the best way they know how – through confrontation, using their clan numbers, or forming allegiances with others, much as their ancestors did. But their life as bush gangsters has bitten back.

So you can actually trace much of this back to the Catholic Church’s insistence on “christianizing” the Aboriginal population. Interesting… The Aboriginal youth were probably warned by the church that heavy metal was evil. So naturally, when the church lost control, the youths embraced that which they had been denied. It’s very interesting, but it’s too bad that it’s degenerated into a series of tense, violent, stand-offs with white settlers and each other.

I can assure you that most of the bands mentioned in the article kick ass. I’m sure they would not want to see such destruction in their name. But they understand oppression, as do the gangbangers:

When they first emerged in the 1980s, the gangs were not seen as a threat. Because each gang is tied to one of the region’s 20 clans, or wider family groupings, it was thought the boys had simply updated clan names along contemporary lines. Recent events have forced a reappraisal.

“The music they’re listening to is the music of the oppressed and disadvantaged and these kids really heavily identify,” the lawyer says. “It’s anti-authority, angry, violent and rebellious and these are sentiments a lot of Aboriginal people can identify with. I’m no musicologist but that’s what it seems to be. You just better hope they don’t find Islam.” The lawyer pauses and adds: “I think I’m joking.”

The best way they can explain the love of heavy metal is, in the words of Francis, the “inspiration” it gives them. It needs no beer or ganja to kick it along. He says the music “works” when they are sitting at their out­stations, bored and in search of a shared muse. Most like to be seen wearing Kmart-issue camouflage gear they pick up on occasional trips to Darwin. The militia costume would appear to send the message that the boys are combat-ready at all times.

By and large, Port Keats men have lean, hard-cut phy
siques, with veins that rope in their biceps and powerful shoulders. The boys are careful to highlight these features in spray-on clothes. The men of Groote Eylandt, off Arnhem Land, and the Walpiri tribesmen of the Tanami enjoy their reputations as hard men. But for the men of Port Keats – nowadays the most jailed people of any NT community – a special respect is reserved.

Blending the symbols of hard-edged western cultures, gang members – perhaps surprisingly – prefer the angry guitar sound of white metal bands to the tempered black ghetto beat. Rap music, they say, is for kids – even though the shot-dead gangster-musician Tupac Shakur is singled out as an affectionate exception.

They reject the idea that the allegedly demonic nature of the metal bands puts them in the Devil’s hand. “We can be Evil Warriors and we can still go to church,” says Gerard Cumaiyi. “We go to church every Sunday here in Wyndham. We are strong believers. It’s that mob [Judas Priest]. They don’t believe. They never go to church.”

Wow. I think these kids need to get into reggae music, mon. Bob Marley, man. They need to get that aggression out. I think they still need the heavy metal. It provides solace in a world of shit. But reggae offers sunshine, even in the depths of oppression and cruelty. As this article makes clear, skin color doesn’t matter. Music speaks to you, and sound doesn’t have a color.

Shelvey is far from pleased that JP have the upper hand in his town. “All sorts of people in Wadeye are absolutely shit-scared of him getting out,” says an observer. “The Jongmins, as a matter of pride, would say bring it on – but it’s the women and kids generally who are afraid of being caught in the crossfire.”

The Wyndham-based Evil Warriors say they are depending on Shelvey to lead them back to Port Keats. “What the boys are suggesting,” says Gerard Cumaiyi, “is that we need a fair fight with them [Judas Priest] and then there might be peace.” After that, he says it’s over. “We want no more Evil ­Warriors, no more Judas Priest, no more gangs. We’ll settle down with true family.”

Gerard is asked if he hates the boys from Judas Priest. “We don’t hate them,” he says. “They’re the same mob as us – same language, but different country.” “It’s very hard,” says Peter Cumaiyi. “They can be right, we can be right. It’s a seesaw. Who is right? Which way does it go? We just want to be equal.”

Much of it comes down to how young Port Keats men see their place in the world. They have all been through manhood ceremonies and many have known the inside of Berrimah prison. Yet they are so strongly connected to ceremonial business that other communities rely on Port Keats people to guide them through correct ceremonial performance.

It’s a cycle of violence, as they say. And not much good comes of it. Can’t they get together and put this feud asside? Probably not. The warring gangs each have families where the rule is concentrated, and they get their power through conflict. We should not expect to see an end to this conflict as long as it is so profitable (power-wise) for certain gang families.

The ending is hopeful, however:

Same for the heavy metal gangster culture. These young warriors will fight, will go to jail and will go to jail again for their clans. But they are not beyond reach. There is none of the lethargy among Port Keats people that so demoralises many others. The boys are feared by other communities, seen by the cops as trouble, but are nevertheless warm and intelligent and would surely prefer to be doing more than fighting each other. As such, the heavy metal scene could be read as an attempt to engage in the world beyond their fishbowl existence in a community at the end of a long, dirt road. In a startling admission, it turns out there are Elvis Presley and Hank Williams lovers hiding beneath the furious wall of sound. “Yes, we like angry music,” says Gerard Cumaiyi. “But we also like the crooners.”

Good to know they’re finding other good bands and singers. They need to spread their wings and find the good that exists in all kinds of music. Maybe then they can learn to appreciate the good that exists in all kinds of peoples throughout the world.

Class War with a Pink Gun

I happened to read this story about rich girls’ Sweet 16 parties in a month-old copy of Time.

The protagonists’ excesses alone make for lurid, enjoyably outraged viewing. (Surely one celebrant’s decision to dye her poodles pink should have prompted a call to the A.S.P.C.A.) A precocious celebutant makes her entrance via helicopter. A self-proclaimed “divo” (like diva but different) rents out the mall to stage a faux fashion show (prompting a backstage catfight over a limited supply of bustiers). There are hired dancers, a raj-like litter hoisted by hand-picked hotties and an apparent contractual obligation for someone to arrive in a stretch Hummer. I had no idea so many stretch Hummers even existed. No wonder we had to go to war in Iraq.

The series is like an infomercial for class war, and should the revolution come, an episode guide will provide a handy, illustrated list of who should go up against the wall. My Super Sweet 16 had its third-season premiere last week, building up to the broadcast with a drumroll of conspicuous consumption: four two-hour blocks of episodes drawn from the show’s previous seasons. To witness such unself-conscious acquisitiveness in one sitting is like eating an entire normal-kid birthday-party sheet cake, wax decorative candles and all. There’s the same queasy sense of monochromatic excess because all the shows are alike, from the fake panic that the party may not happen to the scary-sexy dry humping on the dance floor. And no matter what the nominal theme of the party–California beach party, Moulin Rouge, the color pink–each guest of honor is really after only one thing. “I feel famous. I love it,” says one. Another: “I definitely felt like I was famous.” Yet one more: “I felt like such a star.” The teenagers take on all the tics of fame, from tiny dogs to referring to oneself in the third person. We are all Paris Hilton now.

Not all of us, Ana. Not all of us by a long shot.

The pure god-awful greed and selfishness of these teens (and their feel-guilty-about-working-too-much parents) is appalling and disgusting.

You know, rich people and Republicans often accuse people of “waging class warfare” if somebody dares to point out how excessive and venal the rich act, especially their children. That’s such a bullshit argument. It’s the rich who are waging class warfare, not the poor. The rich are the ones who create poverty (it’s called “not sharing” to the Nth degree) by exploiting workers, keeping minimum wage low generally structuring society and government so that it enriches themselves instead of everybody else. Those of us who are in the middle class should feel lucky we live in such a great country, I suppose, but it’s really just a comfy version of poverty compared with the awesome wealth of the upper class. I mean, they can buy lear jets. Fucking lear jets, man. That costs more just to maintain in a year than most of us make the whole year.

So if anybody ever accuses you of waging class warfare by pointing out how selfish and nihilistic the rich kids are behaving, tell them to fuck off and get a clue. The rich are the ones who start all of our wars, figurative or otherwise. Not us peasants. We have no power as they like to point out when we try to change things (otherwise, politicians love to assure us that we have the power. Is that why so many of us are working for minimum wage?).

Well fuck Paris Hilton, that shrewish demon slut. We all know how vacuous the rich girls are now. They’ve been spoiled rotten by the money they never earned, so in a way I’m not jealous of them at all. But it would be nice to have a huge stash of resources to fall back on when times got tough. I’d like to have a house by a lake or river or ocean. But if acting like spoiled little shits is the price, I’ll take poverty, thanks. I guess even being rich isn’t free.

MTV is such a filthstream of elitist fascism and meta-satanic imagery that I doubt I could ever watch this show for more than 5 minutes. This is how Satan would raise his daughters; so spoiled you can smell her a million miles away. Obviously, the show is fake and staged, but the bullgod-worshipping creditcard-celebrity is real. Just buy happiness, kids!

My parents used to dislike MTV because it had suggestive videos and weird music. Now I hate MTV because it has corporate fascism, wealth-worshipping depraved materialism and shitty, shitty music, when it has music at all, which is during commercials.

I can only assume that the devil himself is the guy running MTV. It’s that bad. I’d rather watch the pope take a shit for 12 hours than watch a half hour of MTV. I’d watch the pope thing even if it had praying and a toilet-cam. Now that’s fucking gross, right? That’s how bad MTV’s sex-obsessed materialism grosses me out. It actually makes me feel ill. And not Beastie Boys ill; the bad kind.

//||baaarrrfff!!||\
Reasons why I don’t have a TV, number 3143.

I guess you could ask why I get so upset over materialism and flagrant displays of sickening money-flaunting. Honestly, I don’t know. I guess I’m just a spiritual person and so materialism seems like the enemy to me. Especially given my Gnostic outlook.

The weirdist thing to me, though, is the fact that the poor kids will watch these shows religiously. And that’s their fault. If you’re stupid enough to watch eMpTV, then you deserve to feel bad about yourself. Hell, that’s the whole point of MTV.

So why the fuck do they watch it? Cheap thrills, I suppose. Now turn the channel before I vomit.

Jesus was gay

I don’t get this whole thing. Jesus was clearly gay. Here’s a historical image of him groping a follower:

Okay, I’m totally joking. But let’s not forget that Jesus was a rabble-rousing radical revolutionary. He is usually depicted in Christian imagery as being a bit of a hippy (long hair, beard, sandals, probably smoked weed, etc.). Heck, he was basically the original hippy, preaching nonviolence while evil festered and grew all around him. Instead of being thanked for his wisdom and optimism he was nailed to a cross, much like hippy war protestors were shot in the ’60s and ’70s (Four dead in Ohio).

How come the people who claim to love Jesus the most seem to act in a way that is directly opposed to everything Jesus stood for?

Where exactly in the Bible does Jesus say:

“Hate your neighbor, especially if he’s a fag.”

‘Cause I couldn’t find that particular verse. Maybe it’s just not in my copy. I guess I must not be reading the same Bible that the Republicans in the Senate are reading. From the article I just linked to last post:

“The Republican leadership is asking us to spend time writing bigotry into the Constitution,” said Sen. Edward Kennedy of Massachusetts, which legalized in 2003. “A vote for it is a vote against civil unions, against domestic partnership, against all other efforts for states to treat gays and lesbians fairly under the law.”

In response, [Sen. Orrin] Hatch fumed: “Does he really want to suggest that over half of the United States Senate is a crew of bigots?”

Uh, yes, Orrin. That is exactly what he is fucking suggesting, dumbshit. Glad you finally caught on.

So, Orrin, can you point me to the place in the Bible where it says we’re supposed to hate and persecute gay people? I’m having a little trouble finding it, you fucking bigoted, pandering piece of donkey shit. Oh, am I swearing to much for you? Fuck off, bitch. Don’t lecture me about decorum when you’re the one pushing a hateful amendment designed to make a certain class of Americans into second-class citizens. Meanwhile you claim to be Christian (well, Mormon in this case)? Fucking hypocrite slime. What a bunch of fucking bigots!

Christians: is this who you want representing you in Congress? People who HATE with every fiber of their being? People who will systematically, deliberately and consciously try to fuck over the rights of a group of people just because they are different? Does that sound Christian to you? Does that sound American to you?

Don’t let these assholes speak for you. I’m not a Christian because I don’t want to associate with people like Orrin Hatch and Tom DeLay or the rat-fucking pope either. The decent Christians out there need to speak up — LOUDER — and say that these assholes don’t represent you or your views. Otherwise, what am I to think? That Christianity, the religion of compassion, has become a twisted and evil shell of its former self, that’s what I’m thinking. Speak up, Christians.

Many Christian assholes have a persecution complex wherein they constantly bitch about persecution just because they don’t get their way. But then they turn around and try their damndest to persecute others?!!

Ever hear of the Golden Rule, fuckers?

Come on, I know there are still some good Christians out there. SPEAK UP! Speak out against hate! One day you will have to look God in the eye and explain to him why you did nothing.

SPEAK UP!

New Pope

So they got a new pope. I think that’s a good idea, because the old one was starting to smell.

Hey-oh!

Thanks, folks. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal!

So, they got some German, dude, eh? Sounds like a bit of a hardliner. People are already wondering why they picked Cardinal Ratzinger, but the word on the street is that Michael Jackson was busy.

Sorry, y’all, but this shit is funny. Nothing like a bunch of old fogies choosing who is going to be their lead old guy. They picked a spry young dude of 78. His views are best described as “medieval.” He was previously in charge of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (wow, catchy name) — which was previously known as …. The Inquisition! yay! They didn’t give up on the Inquisition; they just changed the name last century — isn’t that great?! Yeah. Kill people who disagree! That’s the spirit! That’s what God wants, right? Isn’t that what it says in the Bible, “Thou Shalt Kill All Who Disobey!” — right?

Anyway, I want to congratulate the Catholic Church for managing to stay even more firmly rooted in the 12th century. Truly impressive.